Marriage and Religion

Marriage is not a religious institution. The origins of marriage extend much farther back in history than any of the Judeo-Christian religious traditions. If anything, then, marriage is a pagan idea. Christianity does not possess “ownership” of the idea or the institution of marriage. It is likely, in fact, that the idea of, and practice of, marriage pre-dates recorded history, so in reality we do not even know about many of its original intentions and purposes.

Anyone claiming to hold a “traditional” viewpoint about marriage needs to realize that, throughout history, the primary reason to get married had nothing to do with love or even necessarily with having heterosexual sex with one’s spouse. Marriage was about societal status more than anything else (which I suppose is not entirely gone today, is it?), not about love or even about creating offspring. Most men had sexual relations with someone outside the marriage (yes, sometimes of the same sex even), but not with their own wives. This was a common and even acceptable practice (to the men, at least, since they had the sole power to determine this).

What does all of this mean? It means that I have no idea what someone is really saying when they claim to be in favor of “traditional” marriage. Marriage does not have a fixed and unchangeable meaning. The idea and practice of marriage continues to evolve and to be understood in significantly different ways from generation to generation.

Just consider the original idea of marriage in the United States, where men literally owned their wives. Marriage was, in essence, a form of slavery. Consider even the language of “traditional” marriage ceremonies: “I now pronounce you man and wife.” Why does the man get to continue to be a man, but the woman is now defined only by her status in relation to the man? Or what about the phrase still repeated as marriage vows where the woman agrees “to honor and obey” her husband? Think about these practices and vows for a moment. Should we return to this idea—that a wife is property—because it’s allegedly “traditional”?

Let’s consider for a moment the assertion that the purpose of marriage is to produce offspring and to raise a family. Many heterosexual couples choose not to have children. Should we force these couples to either reproduce or to get divorced?

Marriage in the United States today is not a religious practice. One is not required to profess to be a member of any particular religion to get married. Marriage is a secular practice in the United States first and foremost. That is, a couple is not considered married until the state recognizes the union. Whether or not the couple has any sort of religious ceremony in any kind of “church” or place of other religious significance is entirely a personal choice and has no bearing whatsoever on their legal standing. No religious set of beliefs has any authority over the practice of marriage in the United States of America, and, thus, any arguments defining and restricting marriage according to religious beliefs possess no legitimacy.